i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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