Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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