You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
