he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize