She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
