so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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