Cold hands, warm shart.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
