At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
