You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
