I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
