your parents love me but you hate me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
