in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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