Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He passed out mid-signature
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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