After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
