he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Randomize
