Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
