My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
