don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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