i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
