Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
