I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
