I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
