I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
