dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
