i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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