there was a trapeze. enough said
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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