We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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