He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Terrible idea I love it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
