so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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