woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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