Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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