I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
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so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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