I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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