a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
