Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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