On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
