I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think I won the penis lottery.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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