I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
