burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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