I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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