it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dear god my vagina.
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