I want to make a zoo with you.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
