My hand turned me down
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
