i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
my poor anus
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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