if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
