he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often