Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
