I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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