You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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