Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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