I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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