so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
