I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
