Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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