So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
