it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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