he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my poor anus
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
