Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
