We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
