He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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