I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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