btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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