He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she smelled like a LAN party
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
